Snow and DC

Note: This is not football related, at all. Just want to point that out before you leave with unwarranted expectations that I did not meet. For today's football related post, click here.

A conversation that happened in DC today...



NOVA Suburbanite: AHHH!!! IT'S SNOWING IN DC!!! SNOW! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!
DC Cab Driver: QUICK, EVERYONE FREAK THE FUCK OUT!!!! NOW!!
NOVA Suburbanite: I AM!!! I AM!!! SHIT, SNOW, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!
Paterno Lives!: Will everyone please calm the fuck down, it's just snow.
NOVA Suburbanite: CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN?!?! WHY DON'T YOU CALM DOWN, IT'S SNOWING ASS HOLE, I'M FREAKING OUT...I'D BETTER SPEED UP OR THINGS COULD REALLY GET CRAZY!!!
DC Cab Driver: GREAT IDEA, ME TOO, I'M GOING TO ALSO DRIVE WAY TOO FAST BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO HANDLE THE SNOW, MAYBE IF WE ALL SPEED AROUND OUR TIRES WILL GET REAL HOT AND THE SNOW WILL ALL JUST MELT!
Paterno Lives!: Please don't, that isn't a good way to handle this. Why doesn't everyone just drive normal, like you did yesterday, only maybe put your cell phones away. And you, NOVA Suburbanite, stop trying to read that book and drive.
NOVA Suburbanite: BUT THERE IS TRAFFIC, I ALWAYS READ IN TRAFFIC, AND IT'S SNOWING, SO YOU BET YOUR ASS THERE WILL BE TRAFFIC!
Paterno Lives!: Please man, just drive like a normal person and put the book down before you slam into me. You're in a fucking Escalade and you'll crush me.

NOVA Suburbanite eventually goes too fast on the highway and slides onto the shoulder after almost hitting the back of my car. He honks his horn for no reason at all. He then rides along the shoulder because this is obviously some kind of emergency that would require that kind of action. He never puts his book down.

Georgetown Old Man: DAMN IS IT SNOWING OUT HERE, BIG, UM, WHAT ARE THEY CALLED, FLAKES? IS THAT RIGHT, YA, SNOW FLAKES...LOOK AT ALL THESE SNOW FLAKES, I'M REALLY FREAKING OUT.
Paterno Lives!: Please old man, don't freak out, its just snow. You are old and probably can't drive anyway, so just stay inside until the one snow plow in this city gets out here.
Georgetown Old Man: NO, MY CAR IS PARKED ON A VERY STEEP HILL RIGHT NEXT TO THE KEY BRIDGE, I'D BETTER GET IT OFF THAT HILL OR SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN. YA, I'M GETTING MY KEYS AND MOVING THIS CAR OFF THIS REALLY STEEP HILL.
Paterno Lives!: OLD MAN! Stop that shit, if you move that care you are going to really fuck things up and I'm going to end up sitting on the Key Bridge for an hour while the police come out here and clean up your mess.

The Georgetown Old Man moves his car anyway. He gets about three turns out of the wheels and then starts sliding down the hill on 35th street, crashing into polls and other cars. He eventually ends up at the bottom of the hill, right where the Key Bridge let's you into DC. Traffic totally stops, the Police show up and don't let anyone move. The Old Man's car is sitting in the middle of the street, he gets out of it and leaves it there. I sit for an hour and wait for the carnage to be cleaned up by the police, who are in no hurry by the way.

Paterno Lives!: Damn you Old Man, Damn you! Damn this city!