Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Beat OSU, someone...

Ok, we all need to just deal with the fact that O$U fans are never going to stop, its like a nasty combination of post-super bowl patriots arrogance and notre dame 'program' dick sucking....we are on the track and the train (an undefeated OSU who was beating Akron 3-2 at halftime) is commin' through.
Playing texas last year, or USC next year, does not excuse the fact that OSU's best win was worse than BC, Az State and Kan...yet they are the #1 team. This is the world we live in and damnit I'm going to enjoy this "which end of my body am I talking out of" nonsense right up until the bubble burst in Happy Valley this Saturday...it will give me more to laugh at on Sunday.
The point of this story is right now: if OSU wins out, and gets to play anyone but BC, they will be embarrassed, and, thus, all of our reputations will be tarnished. The thing that OSU fans dont get, though, is that I don't root for their team in OOC games...or even in intersquad games. And, for the most part, I don't root for any of you guys. If someone is going to bask in glory, they better damn well be over 1000 miles away and talk funny, because I don't want to have to hear about it for 9 months.
OSU faithful, keep up the good work, your comical carry over from pre-NC trash talking is back in full force despite your total lack of preparation and talent against UF...

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

My uncanny ability to call out the phonies

"Almost buddy!"

For the past two weeks, I have had much to brad about but managed to stay mum, that is until now. It's late on a weeknight, and tired of working during my sleeping time, its time to brad to the 3 people that read this blog about my two upset picks over the past 14 days.

Illinois over Wisconsin

Not technically an upset according to Vegas standards, but know from multiple sources that the public did not have Wisconsin, ranked 5th nationally and about 20 spots ahead of Illinois, falling to the Zooker's in this weeks pick'em.

Iowa of Illinois

I was called crazy for this but there was one major issue I thought couldn't be avoided: Like Ron Zook 'foot skiing', Illinois' offense is quirky yet rather simple. Enough game film and I think even a team hat hasn't won a Big Ten match in 365 days has a chance. That losing streak belonged to Iowa and I was happy to pick them.

So what about this week? Well I am torn, I think OSU, Minnesita and Wiscy are saft this week, and you know I'm not picking JoePa. Two games stick out:

Michigan @ Illinois (+2.5)
This Michigan game sounds like a total trap, for a Zooker team off a big loss and a Michigan team back in the polls....any idiot would take Big Blue, which is why I'm picking against them. The Ill spread is for real is so is Michigan's crappy ability to defend it. More importantly, the real flaw is the Michigan D is not the terrible pass defense, but rather their inability to contain the mobil quarterback: enter Juice.

Iowa @ Purdue (-7)
Iowa won their first Big Ten game in over a year last Saturday and to be honest I'm not really sure how. They had two punts go under 20 yards, averaged 3 yards per rush, and had 6 penalties at home. I still think they will beat one of the most broken teams in the country in Purdue. What seamed like one of the best scoring squads in the Big Ten, or maybe the nation, is now a mess that has scored the vast majority of their points in 4th quarter garbage time over the past two weeks.

How to bench an Emu

For the rest of my life, I'll never forget the first time I saw this picture:

It's awesome on so many levels. There is the fact that Clausin hired a PR firm for anounce he was attending ND, or the picture of him flashing his (I'm laughing) blinged out high school rings. And even without the Emu picture, I can still look up his Rivals.com photo when I need something to brighten my day.

Of course all of this was amplified by the fact I had to see his smug mug, his parents and two washed up older brothers after every play of the PSU trashing. They couldn't just let me enjoy the game?

Now the golden boy has been sat, and not for the second string qb who one day decided he wasn't going to show up for the Michigan State game, but rather the 3rd string QB because that, according to Weis, gives them the best chance at beating USC.

I'd love to laugh at this except USC is prime for the taking right now. And as much as I'd love to see them both lose, I don't know if I could handle the "Notre Lame Is BACK!" hype that would follow, even if it does not envolve the Emu.

Ranking the teams, ya, it's kind of like...

It's getting harder and harder every week. In a 'normal' year, you make your preseason picks, drop a team a couple spots when they lose and then push everyone else up. This year is more like cleaning up a car wreck every Sunday.

It's also getting harder to just through down my pencil and declare "everyone sucks!" And to be honest it wouldn't be that far off. Michigan, who is in the driver seat of the Big Ten with O$U at home, lost to, of course App State. USC, by far the most talented team of the decade, just lost to frickin' Stanford. Auburn loses to Miss State but then beats Florida in the Swamp. I'm throwing my hands up at this point.

USF has two wins over ranked teams. O$U has zero. BC has zero. Arizona State and Hawaii all have zero. Not sure how O$U is the clear number one in the BCS right now, but this won't be the first time I shake my head at that stupid ranking system and I have to think it wont be the last.

I think Michigan coming on strong, sadly, and I think Cal is for real even if the freshman that started last week is brain dead (although very talented). Well, I'll be drawing the "Top 11" out of hat next week if this keeps up.

The O$U Fetish

The nation has had it ever since the 2002 Mythical National Championship was won in overtime on the back of a pass interference call. So why is this team still getting the benefit of the doubt 5 years later? They received an overwhelming number of first place votes this week, and are listed at the #1 team in the nation in every 'expert' poll I've seen since Sunday.

My question is this: what separates O$U from Arizona State? Or Hawaii for that matter.

None of the listed have wins over ranked teams, all three have shown weaknesses against inferior opponents, yet there seems to be a rather overwhelming consensus that the Buckeyes are the cream of the crop. This despite the fewest passing attempts in the nation, a rookie QB, and a 3-2 score at the half against Akron.

USF, on the other hand, has beaten a surging Aurburn team on the road, and of course their signature win over WVU in a turnover orgy of a football game.

So to answer my question, I turn to the response given by the all knowing homer, Kirk Herbstreit:

" OSU has the best defense in the country. At this time I would say they are a definate lock for the #1 spot and deservedly so. #2 USF doesnt have the history it takes to win a national championship. Change thier name to USC or LSU and I would say they are a lock to win the national championship."

Well put you shameless homer. Where is the logic of filling in O$U #1 when you admit the next morning on the radio that USF is more deserving?

This is all going to shake out, I'm sure, with O$U playing at PSU and at Michigan, but it doesn't change the obvious fact that, although everyone loves to use the word 'parity' to describe the fact that just about anyone can win on any week, the truth is we are still stuck in old times with press no ready to admit that the Blue Bloods are on an even keel with the rest of college football.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Why tomorrow matters...

After michigan our mythical national championships were dashed. The doubts that arrived that Saturday proved themselves, showing that, in fact, we might not be that good, and JoePa Nation fell into deep depression. Like when your buddy (michigan) tells you your girlfriend is cheating on you, and then you walk in on her banging your roommate (the zookers)...that kind of heartbreak. So why the hell am I actually excited about tomorrow.

Well for one, we are not mathematically out of anything yet. If OSU falls to Purdue (not likely) and Wiscy falls to Ill (my upset pick of the week), then we take them both out at home and are the Big Ten Champs! Wait, we don't have an offense. Never mind.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Joe Knows Optimizm, and Field Hockey

Yep, after reading his reaction I couldn't help but re-read a couple of comments just to make sure I was understanding. Sometimes it seems like its the same record answers, even after 4 turnovers in the red zone. After getting through this thing I almost said "forget it" to a quick highlight reel, but I had already copy-pasted something, and I didn't want those 8 seconds to have been in vein:

First, what's important:

"How do you think Anthony Morelli played against Illinois? Are you considering a quarterback change this week? "

"He does a great job....We're not going to make any changes."

My Take: We lose two games to unranked squads, something we didn't do all of last year, and we are eager to put the blame somewhere. I think, other than the offensive coaches box, the QB position is really what is bringing us down. Maybe he will turn it around, and sure hope so, I don't know how much more this I can take.

"Is Evan Royster getting closer to seeing some minutes?"

"I don't know that will change much..."

My take: Very.....consistent.

Then, the funny:

"I'm not suggesting a change, but is there a scenario where, say, Clark could give you what you might not have similar to when Michael Robinson would come in for Zack Mills?"

You just changed.. I'm trying to think what we used to say when we took our English courses, paraphrase something a little differently.

My take: You have to give it to him, he's old, but dammit he hasn't forgot his grammar.

"On the fumbles, do you think the balls have been put away? Is there a pattern?"

"Honest to goodness, the fumbles are funny....If you watched our practice for two hours, you won't see one fumble."

My take: They really aren't funny, painful maybe, but not in a funny way. I would even allow the use of the word 'comical', but, again, I don't mean it in a funny way.

"The last time you played Iowa, it was the 6-4 game (2004)."

"The hockey game (laughter). "

My take: Ya, girl's middle school field hockey.

0-8-0-1 (Wins-Losses-Ties-Did Not Lose)

I want to be the first to congratulate our coaching staff on a great 'Did Not Lose' against Michigan, and while at first I was baffled by our gameplan of running up the middle against a defense that couldn't stop App State's passing game, it's all coming together now. We knew we would not lose, and since it is too risky to try and win, we were just getting the game over with as quickly as we could...brilliant!

Of course all of this is still pending, but come one! It's a lock, I mean they used a kid on special teams, four whole plays, who was eleigable to play in the NCAA, but not the Big Ten. Cheaters!

Ok, but seriously, what exactly does this mean? I learned about the quirky way that the Big Brother of college athletics works when Oklahoma was 'punished', however none of their opponents were allowed to discard the losses. We all can rest assured that this will have absolutely no impact on the media's opinion of us or the way we are ranked. And it shouldn't, really. So what about Michigan? What if they run the table, or at least knock off Wiscy or OSU? I don't really see it hurting them either. So this is all great news, UM getting in trouble, but in the end, who's situation is really being affected here?

If anyone has info on how this will affect anything, I'd love to hear it.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Cheer up guys!

At least someone is executing...

You started a PSU football site now?

You bet your ass I did! Why? Because it's getting sad and I want to be here when we hit rock botttom! But seriously, I'm still here talking about it, right?

I'm not really sure how you start one of these things, but I've posted enough information, and looked up enough fourth quarter stats from 1992, to justify putting them all in one place.

Before we go forward lets get the 'credentials' out of the way. I can't spell. I often swear when I talk about football, although when I type I will occasionally add one of these things: #*&%@, to protect the children. I am a PSU grad, but I also grew up in 3 Midwest states and discuss football (read as "talk trash") with alum from at least 8 of the member schools.

I think the football 'experts' of ESPN, Fox, CBS and SI have football credibility like Brittany Spears has music credibility...or for the rest of you midwesterners: like MJ has single A baseball credibility.

In the wake of this past summer's Big Ten Bashing Season, I defended every 'developing' QB, every 'improved' defense, and argued that SEC speed is a myth. The SEC speed claim is still as phony as the email I got from my rich Saudi Prince cousin this morning, but sadly I am eating my words on just about everything else.

But that comes with the territory, and I am happy to report that, although a lot of teams are down right now, some are up! And more importantly, my Cans per Saturday ("CSP") consumption ratio is as high as its ever been!