Quarless Fail Idiot Test, Scores Points For Team

I wasn't going to even post on this because I'm not as good at making fun of these things as Orson is, but just for the record, here is my understanding of how this is scored.

According to the story, he has been charged with:

DUI: This is a standard two point score. It happens all the time, even to God's team, so this one is easy.

DUI as a minor: This is the monkey wrench...I'm not sure you can be convicted of DUI and DUI as a minor...however to be honest I'm really just making shit up at this point.

failing to obey traffic control signals: I've done a little research and I'm not sure this is a Fulmer Cup worthy offense, zero points.

underage drinking: Classified as Drankin', one point.

TOTAL: So I guess I'm going with three points on this, up to five if the double-DUI thing sticks. I'll be sure to keep you all updated with EDSBS's official ruling.